I used to think I would get married and have children by the age of 25 — the same age my mother got married and had me nine months later. Maybe that idea was influenced by an outdated saying in Japan: “Christmas cakes need to be sold by the 25th.” But even after I turned 20, the official age of adulthood in Japan, I had no real desire — and couldn’t even imagine it.
Once, a guy I was dating said, “I see my future with you.” I didn’t reply, but in my mind I thought, “I have no idea what you’re seeing. You don’t even know me.”
Then one day, it was as if lightning struck me:
“I will not bring another life into this twisted world. Society needs to change before that could happen.”
It’s a society that uses sayings like the Christmas cake metaphor to manipulate women into having children — not for love, but for the economy.
At that time, I hadn’t yet accepted that I’d been abused by both of my parents, or that it had started shortly after my brothers were born. My father wasn’t getting sex. My mother was overwhelmed from raising three small children alone. So my father laid his hands on me. And my mother slapped me whenever she was ticked off.
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